The Elephant In the Room…

Several people have asked me the same question over the last couple of weeks. Well, it was always worded differently, but it was the same question. Don’t you know you might die? Are you delusional? Naive? “Well evidently you are in denial.”  Yes, that last one has actually been said to me several times.

First of all, Yes. i do know i may die. We all know that we will die one day, but sometime in the future. Now that day for me could be just around the corner. In the last week, there have been multiple deaths from accidents, shootings, heart attacks, choking, etc. Those people didn’t know they were going to die that day. They didn’t have a chance to get things together for those they left behind. i am blessed to have that chance. If this journey has shown me anything, it is that we need to be prepared to go at any time. Making a will, or setting up an “in case something happens to me” file does not mean i’m suicidal, morbid, or depressed. It just means i want to make sure that dad and the kids (dogs) are going to be ok if anything happens. They know they will have a place to live, and everything they need.

Secondly, i know this is a different journey. The first round of cancer/chemo was a one shot thing. Almost everyone knows someone who has had cancer once and beaten it. The first round, everyone was upbeat and positive i was going to live. It’s different now. It was just over a year ago when i started this before. My body has not had a long time to rebuild, so i am starting from a weaker physical position. i have had reactions to some of the chemo drugs, so that limits what i can use going forward. And this cancer started in a different side of my body. It is not a re-occurrence of my cancer, but a new fight with the same type of cancer. There are not as many people who are positive this time around.

So if i ask you a question, or look for input on any legal or personal matters. i am making plans. i am not being morbid, or giving up. Just being practical. God has given me such a peace about both diganosis’, that i am good either way. If i beat this again, great! If i go home, that’s great too! At least it is great for me, but i want to make that transition easier for those i am leaving here.

As with so many aspects of this journey, if you have any questions, just ask. i will answer you honestly and in as much, or as little detail as you wish.

Just when you think it’s safe…

Yep!

i had been through a few checkups since the end of my treatments, and all seemed to be going well! i went in for my regular followup about two weeks ago, and it was also time for my 2nd mammogram, so…well… you know where this is going.

Same type of cancer, in another area. It is considered a new primary cancer. It did not come from the previous cancer site, lymph glands appear to be clear. They did scans to make sure i did not have anything anywhere else. Those scans showed no evidence of cancer elsewhere. i’m just lucky i guess!

Since i had a reaction to the Taxol, and i have taken all the AC i am physically able to tolerate, we will be using a new chemo mix.

My doctor’s appointment/first chemo visit is scheduled for October 2. i hope to have more information after that appointment.

i need to tell you, that my sister-in-law is quite the prayer warrior, and she is praying for a miracle. and i’m great with that! She has prayed several people through some serious stuff lately, and i am just thankful that she is praying for me! There is also the possibility that God has me going through this again for a reason, and in that case, the prayer is that the side effects (especially the nausea) will not be as severe as last time.

The prayer requests are the same.
1 – That God will be glorified through this! And that i don’t screw it up.
2 – For Dad and my two furbabies. This journey is pretty hard on them too. In some ways more than for me. Dad is now 91. He is not the spring chicken of 89 that he was last time, so please pray for his health, and for continued peace.
3 – No throwing up. And i have now learned to ask for MERCY with the nausea!

This series of the blog will be a little different then the last. Instead of having a few long and edited posts, i’m thinking about doing several short posts, with the info i have available. There will be a couple of more thought out stories and updates, but for the most part, just a couple of paragraphs, and moving ahead.

So thankful to have you along for the ride with us and praying for us. We are truly blessed!!

I’m back!

Wow!  It’s been a while since i have posted anything. Sorry. i have been on quite a wild ride.

Shortly after i wrote the last post (July 23, 2017) everything spiraled out of control. i was unable to keep the blog going, because i was unable to keep me going. i received the last two rounds of AC. All was going as expected, and around the 2nd week of August, it didn’t.

i learned a few important things:
1) There are some people who, when bald, cannot tell they have a fever by feeling their forehead. i am one of those.
2) When the digital thermometer says “102”, it is not broken.
3) Hearing “she could go either way” in the ER does not feel like i thought it would.
4) If God is not intending to take you home yet, and you have an army of people praying you will get better here on earth, you get better.
As a matter of fact, the ER trip was August 15. And on August 21 i was able to go home and celebrate my dad’s 90th birthday. Only God can do that!

There were two more trips to the hospital, radiation treatments, and three surgeries. But God was faithful, and He brought me through it all. By June of this year, i was through all my surgeries and my treatments, and started to feel the best i had felt in a long time.

All praise and glory be to God the Father, and to Jesus, His only Son, my Lord and Savior.

If you think this synopsis is really short, it is.  Mainly because it seems there is already a chapter 2 in the works… Stay tuned!

 

Transition Weekend

So tomorrow is infusion 3 of 4 of AC. The past few days has been good overall. Obviously not because of the heat, but i have been able to actually eat some really good food. My brother and sister-in-law made potato salad (awesome!!!), dad made his first chocolate cake (yummy!),  Jasons chef salad, and caprese salad, pancakes from ihop, and baked potatoes! i know that the next week to 10 days will be filled with popsicles and jello, so it made these past meals all the more enjoyable!

i am a bit anxious. According to my research, this is like the pinnacle of infusions. -i will have the most chemo build up in my system so far,
-at some point my wbc will be dropping again,
-my current issues with neuropathy, balance, and fatigue will get worse before it gets better.

There is good news..
-The God of the Universe, who has gone ahead of me on this journey, has already taken care of all our concerns.
-the med rotation this past round has keep my SE more stable, so i can continue to build on that this round.
-there is only one more after this! And then, God willing, chemo will be done!!! In time to celebrate dad’s 90th birthday!

Please pray for the issues listed above, and strength and wisdom for dad. i know there is more to this journey than physically fixing cancer. God has been working on us in so many ways. You know that your priorities will probably change when you have a major detour like this. You have expectations. But God is surprising me far beyond anything i can even describe. sometimes daily. sometimes hourly. i pray that these blessings He has bestowed, is also overflowing into your lives as well.

God’s Got This! And He has you too.

New prayer requests for AC Chemo Doses

  1. The SE for this series of chemo are scary. Three of the SE affect specific areas of my body – The heart, digestion (nausea, diarrhea, bladder), and my immune system (white blood count). Please pray for mercy from the Lord.
  2. In general, pray for me and other cancer patients – i am filled with anxiety that in less than a week we are putting a second dose of AC in my system. And most cancer patient blogs say that the third dose is the worst. The SE build with each dose. Not surprisingly, they say the fourth dose is the best, but that is because you know you are not going to get anymore. And, supposedly, you can never get another dose in your lifetime. i will have reached the maximum of that chemo that my body can handle. (i think my body would disagree – it feels like it has hit the maximum already.)
  3. i don’t know how people who don’t have God to hold onto does this. i have spent more time with Him in the past month than probably in the past couple of years. Granted, a lot of that was “please God, make it stop!” but still, i knew my heavenly Father was there with me. Holding me. Getting me through it. Pray for those who are going through this battle and don’t know Christ.

Meal Train & Other Help!

Many of you have offered to help with several areas, and it is much appreciated. We knew going into this that the first 8-10 weeks would be easier for us to handle, but that going into round 2, and the following surgery, we would need that help.

We have just started doing a Meal Train this week (thank you Sara Woosley!!!). Their website not only includes meals, but also other things like errands and help around the house. I will attempt to put the link at the bottom of this post. If you have any trouble connecting to it, please let me know.

Thank you all for your help. We are so blessed!!

https://mealtrain.com/gq6r28

Unexpected twist-prayer request

i went into this weeks chemo a little more tired but was feeling pretty good when i left there on monday. However, yesterday morning when i woke up, i felt a stinging pain on the heel of my right foot. when i went to move the covers, i felt the pain in a few places. The back of my hands, and the bottom of both heels. i then saw rashes in those areas, and the spot at the back of the heel looked more like a sore.

i spent the day at the doctors having some tests to make sure it wasn’t anything critical, and was cleared. The plan was to start taking the meds for the neuropathy and see if it was connected to that. And just to make it a little more challenging, i hit my right heel on a blunt object last night, causing even more pain, and what appears to be a blood blister under the skin in the middle of the rash. fun times.

Good news/bad news. The meds worked on my fingers and toes. They feel much better, there is still some tingling and pain there, but it has been reduced! However it didn’t make a dent on the pain in my hands and heels. The rash is still there and i can’t put any weight on my feet/heels in order to walk normal. i am ok when sitting still with my feet propped up, and since the pain in my hand is on the back of my hand, I can still type. 🙂 But any other type of movement (changing position, putting a blanket on my legs, trying to get up or walk) is very painful and challenging. This is obviously not a normal side effect. i have a call into the doctor, but am asking for prayer for a miracle! Thursdays have always been my “rough” day, so this has to go away today!

Praying for God to take this away, and for HIM to be glorified!
And praying if He chooses not to, that He reveals what i am supposed to do with this, and that He is still glorified!

Prayers

Does this ever happen to you? You buy a new car. A red suv. Suddenly, that’s all you see. red SUV’s. It’s the same thing with all aspects of life. Everything on tv, radio, around me, is about cancer. How to treat it, who has it, the new food you could eat that cures cancer after watching a video on facebook that may really not have an ending. And believe it or not, this truly happened. i heard a news headline i had never heard before. “Palestinian cancer patient attempted to smuggle explosive materials…” It is really a news story. On April 20.

Unfortunately everything was not so far removed. There have been people in my extended family that have passed away from cancer. My dad’s brother. My brother’s father-in-law. My cousin. My mom’s mom.

But this week i keep thinking about three people that are fighting cancer more recently. My niece’s husband’s nephew, Lane. He just passed away a week ago at age 19 of cancer. He had his whole life ahead of him.
Shelli. i worked with her at SCC years ago. She was only 39. She passed away two weeks after i received my diagnosis.
Debbie. i work with her at SCC as well. She has been fighting for a few years with cancer. She is currently in the fight of her life right now. She has a husband and kids going through this with her.

As much as i am very grateful to God of His provision in my treatment, i find it hard to celebrate the wins when there are others i know who did/are not getting the same. i know that these others who have finished their journey, are home with Jesus. In His arms. And those who are still finishing their journey can see Jesus at the finish line – calling their name. Ready to catch them when they cross that line, swing them around, and celebrate that they are home. That is the best outcome for any of us.
i ask for prayers for the families. The ones that are still here. The parents of the child they buried. The husband who is watching his wife fight this disease.

i know some of you know the people i mentioned. And you probably know many others who are in the same situation. Please keep them, and their families in your prayers.

To God be the Glory!!

How to help

So many of you have offered to help us. Thank you so much! We are so blessed! As i have said, this is going to be a long few months, and we’re still in the beginning. i am sure as we go forward there will be several things we need help with. We still have 6 more weeks of round one chemo, then 8 weeks of round 2 chemo, followed by a surgery/recovery. It will take us up to close to the end of the year.

For now, i have figured out a major place where i need help. Someone to coordinate the help! We need someone who can get the list of things needed, food, rides to chemo, help with dad, the house, etc., and coordinate it with people who are willing and able to do it. Let me know if this is right up your alley!

Cuddles, Casper & Dad. All in their favorite spot.