Now i know why they call this a journey. i was never very good at marathons, and i am ready to be at the end of this one.
And the length of this post is so long, because i’m trying to catch up with all the appointments, test results, options, etc. It seems things change each day.
After i was cleared from the surgeon, i had my followup with my oncologist today. To me, right now, my biggest concern is controlling my nausea. The team is doing all they can to help me, but they are just as concerned about the cancer. i didn’t really understand why, because my surgery results were clear.
Last time i did this, i finished the chemo-the tumor was gone because of the chemo. That is called a “complete response”. The term for a person who stops treatment early, and there are still cancer cells in the body, it is called an “incomplete response”. That is me this time. (Just to be clear, even knowing what that means going forward now, i would still do everything the same.)
My current status is that the tumor that started this whole thing is gone. Before surgery, there was still some cancer in my body. It was super small, but it was still there. After, the surgeon said my margins were great. The node biopsies they took (4) were all clear. So YAY! i was prepared for some radiation, which will probably start in a few weeks (i meet with that doctor is 2 weeks). What i had not thought of, and it makes sense now, is why i still needed chemo. However how, what kind, and how much is still up in the air. My oncologist explained that i may still have cancer cells in my body. The chemo is really the only way to get rid of those cells.
As i was explaining everything to dad, it suddenly occurred to me. If there were still cancer cells in my body that we knew about, there is the chance that i have them somewhere else. ahhhh. makes sense. Not excited about it, but it makes sense. Another patient told me that the type of cancer we have has a more than usual tendency to metastasis. That is why they are so aggressive with getting rid of it.
But the one thing that is driving this train right now is nausea. You have all heard this many times, but i have basically been nauseous to some degree since around May 2017. (first sets of chemo, first diagnosis). But now it is out of control. i constantly feel like i’m going to…, you know…, and then all of a sudden, my body is hungry for a short time. Then i get sick again. i am on a 2 week food nutrition thing, basically a glorified BRAT* diet. if that helps my stomach, then we can move forward from there. In my mind, that will also determine which type of chemo i will do.
So if you see me around, and i don’t look like i’m over the moon about the tumor being gone, it doesn’t mean i’m not thrilled. It’s because i’m already on the next leg of the journey.
*BRAT diet – it is a bland food diet. Bananas, Rice, Apples or applesauce, and Toast.
