Heads up. If you want to know just a couple of the things cancer patients can go through, continue reading. If you really don’t want THAT much information, you might want to skip this post! Everyone is different in their treatment, and I won’t get too graphic, but this post will have more info on chemo SE than I have written so far… and I am writing two other posts, much less graphic, but still informative.
Well, one of the chemo drugs is nicknamed “The Red Devil”. Read anyone else’s cancer blog that has done the AC mix, and the first thing they say is “it lives up to it’s name.”. That it does. The chemo itself is red, and has to be administered by hand. i was (erroneously) under the impression when all the red color was through my system, it was all good. Only the weakness left to deal with. Nope. That happened on Wednesday. On Thursday, i started feeling some soreness in my throat. There’s a med for that. i got it that day, and it said to take it 4 times a day. I made it 3 times and that was it. Each time i took it i felt like I was going to throw up. And my throat was ok, so i stopped. i actually felt kind of good that the SE were going to be so easy the first week. Then my little personal utopia disappeared.
The nausea didn’t stop. Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday was spent in bed. Taking meds that are supposed to stop the nausea, but didn’t. I couldn’t lift my head off the bed. This was a problem, since the chemo has another SE. You are supposed to drink a lot of liquids so the chemo get flushed out of your body. If it stays anywhere for very long, well, you can figure that out. So i laid in bed, sipping and nibbling whatever i could keep down. That was a short list. And it changed hourly. They would be fine, for a few drinks, then no. Then i was crawling to the bathroom every two hours to make sure to get out every drop of chemo i could. There are other SE that were happening in my body, simultaneously, which brought new meaning to the word “multi-tasking”. What would help one, made another one worse. i chose to focus on whatever made the nausea better, and just tolerated the rest. (boy, that made it sound easy! Not.)
Every now and then i would feel really good – almost hungry (I’m sure those were times when people were praying for me! Thank you!!!) And then, hoping i had hit the end of this SE, i would try to actually take a couple of bites of something, and… no. not done yet. i started calling these the “rollercoaster dips”. You know the feeling – you are up on top of the rollercoaster, you can see for miles, it’s beautiful! Then in a heartbeat, you are hurtling toward the earth, in a metal car with only a rod across your legs to keep you from flying out, and it takes a sharp left in into a dark shaft, bouncing you around until you come out the other side. (for those of you around my age, you may recognize that as one of of the turns on “The Beast” rollercoaster they used to have at Kings Island in Cincy. You’re welcome!)
Somehow, on Sunday, during a few moments of relief, i managed to weigh myself. Just to see. i had lost 12 lbs in the last 6 days. (i went on to lose another pound by monday!)
Fast forward to Monday. i called in the office first thing in the morning, with my “shouldn’t this be over, can we fix this, how much longer” and they immediately scheduled me to come in. i arrived at the office in a wheelchair, and i was a little “out of it.” i know I must’ve looked bad, because the valet at the office took one look at me still in the car, and mouthed “wheelchair?”
Obviously i was dehydrated. But i was also low on a couple of things, one of them being my white count. i had dropped from 10 to 1.7. Then the nurse said something funny…”but this was expected.” um…it was? It was a full week after the chemo. i had been given the neulasta medicine the day after..the sisters on the commercial have a lobster bake in their back yard..eating corn on the cob…i was not expecting this. What i had read, and chosen to believe, well, was wrong.
Let this be a lesson! Do not trust the internet, or the commercials on tv to accurately portray what chemo and other meds do. Talk to your oncology nurses!! They know the real truth! They live with this every day with their patients – and they will tell you if you ask.
So…the real story is that this time, the 7-10 day window is when a lot can happen. They were a little concerned that my white count was not higher, but were sure it would start picking up by day 10. (Wed). However, just to be sure, i am having a blood test tomorrow to see if the numbers are indeed going to climb. Somehow the fact that what was happening to me was not unheard of, made me feel better mentally.
i was told to “stay away from people that might be contagious” and “if going around crowds, wear a mask.” Well, my body doesn’t really feel like going anywhere yet, so i am spending the 4th on my couch, slowly starting to eat exotic food like jello and potatoes. And building my strength so i will actually be able to walk to the car tomorrow without help. Right now, i am just happy i can eat something! And true to God’s faithfulness, i still have not thrown up. Of course the past few days there was not enough in my stomach to throw up, and my body really wanted to, but no. God is faithful. – so now can we add “no nausea” to the no throwing up prayer?
i would be lying if i said at this moment i want to keep going. i am filled with anxiety that in less than a week we are putting a second dose of this in my system. And most cancer patient blogs say that the third dose is the worst. The SE build with each dose. Not surprisingly, they say the fourth dose is the best, but that is because you know you are not going to get anymore.
i don’t know how people who don’t have God to hold onto does this. i have spent more time with him in the past month than probably in the past couple of years. Granted, a lot of that was “please God, make it stop!” but still, i knew my heavenly Father was there with me. Holding me. Getting me through it. Pray for those who are going through this battle and don’t know Christ.
T!! i know God has got this. and that is what i’m holding on to. Well, last Sunday my niece came to visit, and brought me this wood plaque. Appropriate, right!? i LOVE it, and put it in my area in the family room where i spend most of my time. As i am typing this post, i realized God was sending me a warning last Sunday -“Heads up! Something is about to happen, but I’ve already got this!” Amen!!!!