December 10

Today my platelets were a little low, but not too low, so i was able to get my infusions! That is good news, because it keeps me on the every other week rotation. As much as i can keep my body on the same schedule, the easier it is for all! Since the platelets were already low, i asked what i needed to look for or to do. i was told my job was “to make sure i did not fall!” No pressure there! ha ha

This week the tumor was “harder to find” than before! Yay! We are still taking things one week at a time, but hopefully this means we will be done with the chemo sooner than later. My oncologist would like to see me go through at least a full 6 cycles. (each cycle includes 2 infusions). If that is the course, i will be at the halfway point with my next infusion. Again, things can change in a day, so i’m just following my body, and my doctors, and taking it one step at a time!

Getting my infusion today also means my next scheduled chemo treatment is very early on Christmas Eve morning. The past few times, i have felt my best on the two days after the infusion. That means i will be able to eat, and enjoy what i’m eating on Christmas Day! There is my gift right there!

My celebration of good news is tempered with the realization that there are others who are not all getting good news. i am blessed with getting to know many others who are fighting various forms of the big C, and we are all in different places of our journey. Tonight though, i am particularly sensitive to the family of a brave young man, the nephew of a good friend of mine, who just met Jesus face to face this past Saturday. He is in the best place he can ever be. But his family and many friends are grieving a huge loss. Please keep them all in your prayers. God has truly shown Himself mighty and merciful by keeping them in His loving and protective hands. And He will continue to be glorified in Clay’s life. A life that we as humans, in our limited sight, see as being over here on earth. But God, who is not limited, sees an ongoing love story on this earth and in heaven. A story that He wrote at the beginning. And that we are now able to read.

Praying God’s Bubble Wrap for his loved ones.

December 3

Whew! This is an off week for any chemo, thankfully! This past week was very much like two weeks ago – Monday – Wednesday i felt “ok.” i was only a little nauseous so i could eat some regular meals. Thursday morning started the same, a few SE started in the morning, getting a little worse around 11-12’sh. They really kicked in Thursday night through Friday night. i was not able to stray far from my bed. i wanted so to sleep Thursday night, but couldn’t which made Friday worse.

Unfortunately one of my babies had some stomach troubles of his own, and we had quite a mess in my room. i did as much as i could, but nausea and weakness limited what i could do. Thankfully we have a great friend, (Thank you Vickie!!) who was already coming over on Friday. She was able to help with what i couldn’t, and the three of us (me, cuddles and casper) were able to sleep most of Friday away. What a blessing. You never realize how precious some things are, until you don’t have them. Even a simple thing, like sleeping in your own warm, comfy bed!

Saturday and Sunday were the two days when i would get out of breath just walking across the family room, so i was still on track! Usually my biggest issue on Mondays is the weakness, but i am usually able to eat and move about easier. For some reason i woke up this morning with a few SE that really messed me up. i also feel weaker than yesterday! Hmm. i hope this is not going to be a trend. We are having rehearsals and setup for “Celebrate Christmas Together” this week. i hope this doesn’t continue for the rest of the week.

Today is day 7. Days are counted from the date of infusion, and certain things usually happen on certain days. Day 7 through about Day 10 is supposed to be the time frame when your WBC are at their lowest. Those are the days when i avoid large crowds, being enclosed in a room with someone who is sick, etc. It is also a time when i get very tired very easy. i am determined to do what i can, until i can’t. There are a lot of people who do a lot more, when they feel a lot worse, so i can “suck it up buttercup!”  So if you see me for the next few days and i am off to the side more than usual, don’t take it personally.

And as a personal note, Southeast’s “Celebrate Christmas Together” starts this coming Friday evening! We have service on Saturday evening, and then it runs from Sunday through Friday next week! (December 7, 9-14). It is a great family time, with things for kids of all ages!! i hope to see you there, or at least see lots of pictures on facebook. ha ha.

And remember, Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

November 26

A short post full of good news!

-Thanksgiving – was Amazing! The food tasted really good, spent some time with some family members i hadn’t seen for a while, and got to bring home leftovers!!
-At today’s appointment my numbers were good, so i was able to get chemo! (never thought i’d say yay for that, but “yay!”)
-Since my insurance company won’t pay for the meds to help build WBC, my doctor is continuing to adjust my chemo dosage as needed so that my body has more of a fighting chance. That is helping my blood test levels stay closer to normal, and keeping the SE manageable. (“yay #2”)
-When the lump was originally found, it was measured at approximately 2 centimeters. Today it is estimated to be around  1 1/2 centimeters. So the size is going down! (Praise the Lord! Yay!!!)

God is good!

Thankful! (Nov 19)

This past week was a little different. Wait. i can’t start all my posts with that! If anything, i am learning the only thing that is “consistent”, is that it is not consistent. Or the only thing that is the same, is that it is different! ha ha.

Don’t get me wrong, so far the chemo seems to be much easier on my body overall. However, this time i started with a body that was still weak from last year, so i guess i can’t really compare the two. i feel great as long as i’m sitting or laying down. Almost normal! Then i decide to walk in the kitchen to get a drink, and i get winded and shaky. So i’ll continue to sit whenever possible!

So this last monday i had an infusion. The next day, some of the SE started. Surprise! Made for an interesting week. i found out that applesauce is a pretty good main course. But i am very excited that i am on the way back up, on the same week as Thanksgiving! i am so looking forward to turkey with all the trimmings.

i’m thankful that i don’t have to cook the turkey – my brother and his youngest daughter make a great meal. i’m thankful that i’ll get to see at least some of my brothers kids and grandkids. i’m thankful that i’ll be bringing leftovers home, so i can enjoy the meal on Friday too! There are so many things i am thankful for. Things i never took the time to think of before.
Family. Snuggle time with Cuddles and Casper.
Friends/Neighbors: Always there. Helping and encouraging.
Work. It’s been the wildest 20 months ever, and their support has been amazing.
Hair. Yes, even when it is out of control.
Home. Power. Blankets. Fireplace. Reruns of NCIS. Being able to go to the grocery store without help or using a motorized cart.
Dad & technology. i really need to write that book! ha ha.

This is just a short list. We all have our own list. And it makes my heart hurt when i think that there are those who don’t have these comforts. Thank You Lord. Forgive me Lord. Soli Deo Gloria.

November 12

Good news! It took four weeks, but my numbers were back up today! i thought they might be, there were a few people said i looked good and healthy this week! One person even said i looked better than i have in the 20+ years that i have known them (which was kind of hard to believe, because i was so much thinner when we first met!! ) My medical team has told me to eat whatever i could, and as much as i wanted. That it would help my body when i had chemo. i was a little concerned that i would gain too much weight, but took them at their word, and ate whatever my body thought looked good. And i lost 4 pounds! God is GOOD!

It is really good the numbers are in the normal range, since my insurance has denied meds that would help me with the low Neutrophils (aka: Neutropenia, which also includes low white blood cells.). So the frequency and amounts of infusions will be constantly adjusted going forward. As my body has a history of responding in unique ways, i know that my team will be on top of the treatment and my reactions. And that it will still be enough to completely get rid of the tumor, without the WBC dropping too low. There is not a way to tell if my ANC is too low, except for blood tests, so i will make sure my temperature stays below 100.4, and continue to eat as much as i can.

The fact that i had an extra week without chemo was also a blessing at work. We had the Global Missions Health Conference at the 920 campus this past Thursday-Saturday, and i was able to work the full schedule! It was a great conference, and i was glad to be there!

At this time, my next appointment will be the Monday after Thanksgiving. We will know around Thursday-Friday this week how much, if any, SE i will still have. i am loving the timing of that too, since that means during Thanksgiving i should have my appetite back. A wonderful thing to look forward to, because my brother and niece Sara are great cooks, (even when they cook mine without onions!). YUM!!

This year i am thankful for family, friends, co-workers, and the support network God has brought into my life. i am thankful for my medical team, many that i also count as friends, and the passion they have for helping those with cancer, to live a life without cancer. And for those who only know my name, and still regularly lift me and my family up in prayer. Thank you Jesus!! i (we) are truly blessed!!

The Elephant In the Room…

Several people have asked me the same question over the last couple of weeks. Well, it was always worded differently, but it was the same question. Don’t you know you might die? Are you delusional? Naive? “Well evidently you are in denial.”  Yes, that last one has actually been said to me several times.

First of all, Yes. i do know i may die. We all know that we will die one day, but sometime in the future. Now that day for me could be just around the corner. In the last week, there have been multiple deaths from accidents, shootings, heart attacks, choking, etc. Those people didn’t know they were going to die that day. They didn’t have a chance to get things together for those they left behind. i am blessed to have that chance. If this journey has shown me anything, it is that we need to be prepared to go at any time. Making a will, or setting up an “in case something happens to me” file does not mean i’m suicidal, morbid, or depressed. It just means i want to make sure that dad and the kids (dogs) are going to be ok if anything happens. They know they will have a place to live, and everything they need.

Secondly, i know this is a different journey. The first round of cancer/chemo was a one shot thing. Almost everyone knows someone who has had cancer once and beaten it. The first round, everyone was upbeat and positive i was going to live. It’s different now. It was just over a year ago when i started this before. My body has not had a long time to rebuild, so i am starting from a weaker physical position. i have had reactions to some of the chemo drugs, so that limits what i can use going forward. And this cancer started in a different side of my body. It is not a re-occurrence of my cancer, but a new fight with the same type of cancer. There are not as many people who are positive this time around.

So if i ask you a question, or look for input on any legal or personal matters. i am making plans. i am not being morbid, or giving up. Just being practical. God has given me such a peace about both diganosis’, that i am good either way. If i beat this again, great! If i go home, that’s great too! At least it is great for me, but i want to make that transition easier for those i am leaving here.

As with so many aspects of this journey, if you have any questions, just ask. i will answer you honestly and in as much, or as little detail as you wish.

November 5…

My sister in law is a great prayer warrior. She has prayed me, her brother, his wife, and a few others through some really bad issues over the last year and a half! i told her i was concerned about this coming week, with possible SE and all. She told me not to worry, that she prayed, and that i wouldn’t have any side effects, and i would feel great this week. And once again, God answered her prayer. My chemo was pushed back yet another week!

With my ANC being very low, they were planning on giving me a med with chemo, to help my body replace what was needed. But i found out my insurance denied it. Thankfully my numbers had increased over last week, but not enough to get chemo without the med. Sooo, one more week to continue to get stronger and eat!

As for how this affects my outcome, i am not sure. To my knowledge, we are still on an every other week schedule, starting next week. But as you can see, it is all based on how my body handles it. There was also talk of another med that might be an option. My scheduled appt with my oncologist is right before my treatment next week, so i hope to have more answers then.

Choosing Joy

This post i actually wrote a few weeks back. It was the night before i was to receive my diagnosis from my biopsy. i didn’t write it then to put it on the blog, not even sure why i wrote it. You can tell, since it is kind of disjointed – writing the portions as i thought them. In the past couple of weeks i really felt it was something to share here. So i am sharing it just as it was originally written. And if you know me, you can certainly see me doing this, and understand why i am not doing a video blog. (smile).

Choosing Joy:

The night before i was due to find out about my second diagnosis, i was in my office (with the door shut!) and had one of the Christian radio stations on. The song “I Choose Joy” by For King and Country came on the radio. That is a song that just makes you move around. You can’t sit still!

i found out that my chair has a “bounce” to it. It was cool!! If anyone would have come by my office, they would have heard “i choose joy, let it move you, let it move you” and to the beat i was bouncing and spinning in my chair, singing it out to Jesus.

And it was not lost on me that the pre-chorus goes:

“Oh hear my prayer tonight,
i’m singing to the sky,
give me strength to raise my voice, let me testify.
Oh hear my prayer tonight
cause this is do or die
the time has come to make a choice,
and i choose joy”

‘nuff said.

Oct 29/The good news is…

The good news is i have another full week to rest up!

When they ran my labs this morning, almost all my numbers were good. Except one – my ANC (Absolute Neutrophil Count) dropped more, so i couldn’t do chemo today. It has been pushed back, a week and the overall schedule has changed. ANC has to do with white blood cells, so i am supposed to be careful when going out, keep the hand sanitizer, and wearing a mask in areas where there are large crowds. So if i use sanitizer after shaking your hand, don’t take it personally!

This week i got fluids and meds. i will get chemo next week, along with a possible additional meds. The schedule is changed to this: instead of getting chemo 2 weeks in a row, and one week off, it will now be every other week. Between doses, if needed, i will be given fluids and meds. i don’t know how this will affect the overall timing of the treatment, but that part is all flexible.

Right now i’m feeling really good, and glad to have another week to continue building back up. Everything else looked good, and there is a chance that the tumor is already responding to the chemo. All Praise to God!

October 27 – A good week!

It has been a good week. After i got fluids and meds on monday, i felt a lot better. That has increased as the week went on. It was a busy week at work, and i was able to work without dealing with SE. The fact that this rotation will be two weeks of chemo and one week of labs is great. Having a week off to rebuild my body and my energy has been great. And i know that it helps mentally!.  am eating quite well and even got what little hair i have trimmed. Thank you Hailey (gorgeous you salon)!

My next appointment is early monday morning, i meet with my oncologist, and get chemo. Let’s see how this next cycle unfolds.

Thank you for your prayers!