Prayer Requests, Sharing in the Journey

June 24-June 30

What a week! My body is not sure which way it is supposed to go. Sometimes i go to bed early, sometimes late, but either way, i usually awake a couple of hours later, from a deep sleep, starving. i keep peanuts in a container by my bed, since a small handful is usually enough to stop the hunger pains, and then my stomach is good until morning. My feet, legs and arms are another matter. Usually sometime around 4am’sh, until i finally give in and get up, i start getting muscle cramps. The only way to stop the ones in my feet and legs is to get out of bed and walk around. The babies are getting used to this by now, but at first they couldn’t figure out if it was time to go outside and potty, or eat, or what. Now they just look up at me when i get out of bed, and then go back to sleep.

Theyd did a cbc blood test run a couple of weeks ago, along with a couple of other tests. My potassium, and magnesium were both in the normal range. i was also not dehydrated, so i am not sure what is causing this. i can’t blame the radiation, since the cramping actually started about a month ago. It just keeps getting more and more.

During the day, the muscle cramping seems to limit itself to my hands, and sometimes about midway down my back on either side. i have charts of pressure points (thank you Shelly!!) so i am starting to try to do acupressure on those areas. i am also trying a few other things that doctors have told me about in the past to help with muscle cramps. Oh, and i thought the ones in my feet were triggered by something at night, but the other day, i took a 2.5 hour nap during the day, and only woke up because they cramped up…evidently it has something to do with me lying down for a set period of time…hmmmm. thoughts? 🙂

You probably noticed i said i took a longer nap one day. Yep. i am getting more tired, but i am also trying to rest enough so that i don’t fall asleep during normal activities…like talking on the phone, watching tv, etc Counting down to July 18th!

Otherwise, the only other thing that has been interesting to deal with, has nothing to do with the radiation. But since i had my little stint in the hospital, my diet has gotten even weirder than before. That’s saying something. My body does not seem to enjoy healthy foods, ones that i actually like! When i eat salad, cereal, greek yogurt, egg salad, carrots, vegetables of any kind, and most solid foods, it tastes weird, and by the time it gets to my stomach, i don’t usually feel too good. i had most of a baked potato for dinner saturday night. i couldn’t finish it.

But pizza, caprese salad, bits of fried chicken, (not whole pieces), hot dogs, ice cream, ruffles, peanuts, etc. they all seem to be ok. i can’t eat a lot of them, but i don’t get as sick. i just ordered a case of the Ensure Therapeutic Nutrition they gave me at the hospital, and i drink at least one a day. Sometimes twice a day if i can’t get food down. i am keeping my weight even, so i know i’m doing ok in the calorie intake department. Although i do wish i could get a couple of more pounds off, i want to do it the right way. Eating right and moving around more.

i do get frustrated that i can’t do the things i want to do easily anymore…and i know that when the radiation is over and i start rebuilding my strength, it will come back. But i have my moments. i have to share one with you!
i was having a “woke up in time to make it to an appointment” day, and those are so frustrating, i was telling God i wanted Him to hurry up and come back. i was tired of this, frustrated by my limitations, and even more anxious to go home where i will get a new body, see people i have lost over the years, etc.

i got in my car, and the radio was set to a Christian station, and a song was on i hadn’t heard before. Here’s what i heard.

He’s got a plan, this is part of it
He’s gonna finish what He started
He’s got a plan, this is part of it
He’s gonna finish what He started
He’s not done
God’s not done writing your story
No, He’s not done
God’s not done with you
God’s not done with you

Hmmm…think i was supposed to take away something from that? Not surprisingly the name of the song is “God’s Not Done with You” and Tauren Wells sings it. The rest of the lyrics are equally as poignant.
(here’s a link to Tauren Wells page, and the song is near the top:
https://www.taurenwells.com/music)

So, God’s not done with me. sigh. And i’m sure He’s not done with you yet either. Maranatha!

June 14-23

i had my first radiation treatment on Wednesday, June 19. Since i was doing that, i wanted to get a printout of my bloodwork before i started. i, and the oncology staff, were very pleased to know that my wbc was on the upper section of “normal”!! Most of my numbers were. Some were still a bit low or high, platelets, etc., but all were much better than two weeks prior.

That was a great praise! i am still really weak. i can only walk so far before i need to sit and rest. The last time i had radiation in 2017, the only side effect i remember was the tiredness and fatigue. Since i am already there, it is not that big of a stretch to deal with. The more time i put between my last chemo and now, the more energy and strength i gain. Granted, not as much as i want, or as fast as i want, but do-able. The first full week (which will really be the 24-28) will probably be a wash. i won’t get stronger, but hopefully i won’t get too much weaker. The last radiation treatment is scheduled for July 17, so hopefully from the 18 on it will be gaining strength all the way.

With the radiation treatments happening around 7-7:30 am each day, it gives me time to go home and rest, or take a nap for a bit before i head into work. Hopefully that will help. i’ll keep you all updated.

In the meantime, and as i ended the last post, continue to pray for me and my family as we navigate this time. i have received a lot of emails, texts, and even phone calls from so many of you in the past few days, reminding me that you all are praying for us. Some have even said i have been on their heart, or mind, or they feel they need to pray for me. i so appreciate that, but the last time this happened at this magnitude, was august of last year, and very soon after that i was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. Makes me wonder.

But as i have said to so many, even in the past couple of months, God is in control. He knows what is coming, and what He wants from it. Scary, but comforted. i don’t understand Him most of the time, but i do trust Him. He is the only one that has complete control, and no limitations. To God be the Glory! Amen!!

May 13-14

It’s been an interesting, emotional, surreal, busy, quiet, exhausting, no-sleeping, falling asleep in the middle of someone visiting, tears, laughter, [add your own description] 2 and 1/2 weeks.

On Friday, April 26, dad fell and hit his head. This caused bleeding into his brain, which was not viewable on his head anywhere, so finding it was a God thing in the ER. He had emergency surgery that night, and although the surgery was successful, he had multiple strokes over the next few days, something we found out on Monday, April 29. He went home to meet Jesus at 6:15 am on Tuesday, April 30.

i apologize to those who did not find it out until after his visitation, or are just now finding out. Dad was greatly loved, a great storyteller, and affected more lives than we may ever know.

i reminded him several times over his days in the icu, that he promised me two things:
1-he was going to be here until he was 100. (short by 8 1/2 years!)
2-God kept him around to take care of me through my cancer treatments. (i still have 3 more infusions, and a round of radiation!)

But he has told everyone that he was ready to go whenever Jesus wanted him to come home. He has led a full life, done what he wanted to do, and knew where he was going. i know where he is, and still believe that God’s got this as far as my journey goes, so although sometimes a bubble pops (see “God’s Bubble Wrap” post if you don’t understand that!) and i have a mini-meltdown, I know he is in a much better place. i wouldn’t ask him to come back.

Thank you to all of you that have stepped up to help me, my brother and his family, and of course my two babies. We appreciate it more than we can convey to you.

i had to delay my infusions from the original schedule, since dad was in the hospital when my 4th one was scheduled. So, i ended up having infusion #4 yesterday on the 13th. My numbers were great, and it was a problem free, so we were home by lunch. I was obviously more tired than i thought i was – i ended up sleeping until around 5:30 last night. When i woke up, i saw an invitation to one of my nephew’s house. He had everyone over to make sure they had some time together before my oldest nephew and his family were heading back home to North Carolina.

Anyway, i am still going on with chemo, then radiation, and i have a few times when i will be a bit out of reach for each treatment, but still going on with the journey I signed up for.

Thank you! God’s still got this. And i got a late Christmas present that was really timed perfectly. It is a glass box with the words “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.”

God’s Bubblewrap

In 2003 my mother passed away. She and I were VERY close, and many people, myself included, were concerned about how I would handle it. That was my first experience with what i call “God’s Bubblewrap.” Now, in 2019, i find myself in a similar position. My father and i have become very close since mom passed. i have always known my father as “Daddy,” and God has given me the past 16 years to get to know him as “Sal” (aka Sam). Now, God my Father has again wrapped me in His bubble wrap to get me through this very hard time.

For those who don’t understand this concept, it is really quite simple. Right now, i am ok. I am able to handle the details of the visitation, guests, etc. Most of the time you see me, I seem rather ok. i have my moments when I am overcome with sadness, and i find a quiet corner to sit and cry in. But those moments are spaced out. There is plenty of time between them for me to get through the first few weeks. Then, over the next few months, God gently pops one of those bubbles.

Side note – my mom LOVED popping bubble wrap so much, that one Christmas I got her a box of bubble wrap, and she happily popped it all throughout the day! a good and bad thing. ha ha!

Anyway, when God pops a bubble, He is there with me for the meltdown. It can take months to get all the bubbles popped…so be prepared – i may be running graphics for an event, and all of a sudden start crying. And it’s ok. God’s got this too! (AKA God’s Got This #3)

Please pray for my dad Sal (aka Sam, Spunky)

i’m going to deviate a little today. i hope you understand. Today i’m going to talk about DAD. For those of you who know dad, he needs no introduction For those of you who don’t know him, he is a 91 Italian man from New Jersey. That explains so many things, right?

On Friday afternoon, dad and i were going to run some errands, when he fell. He thought he hurt his left hip and shoulder. At the ER they said both of those were ok. He did need 4 stitches in his thumb, but otherwise he was ok. We were about 10 minutes from checking out, when his total demeanor changed. He asked a couple of strange questions, and i told the doctor that was not like him. They decided to do a scan, and found that he was bleeding into his brain.

His surgery was immediate, and completed a bit after midnight. They felt the actual surgery was successful, they were able to drain a fair amount of blood off his brain. However when he was in recovery, they started to notice a few things, including trouble breathing, and he did not wake up.

Today, around 3am we are still in an icu room. Reports over the past 2 days went from good news to not good news, decisions on care, emotional roller coaster, and prayers for him to wake up.

Please pray for him. i know God has a plan for this, and that He will be glorified either way. Dad is not afraid of dying. He has said many times that whenever the Lord wants to take him, he is ok. He has had a great life.

i, on the other hand, am not so excited about him leaving. The next 24-48 are critical. Please pray for my family as we navigate the next couple of days. i want God to be glorified in this, and i am also praying He would be glorified by dad’s miraculous healing. 😉

April 22-23

Wow. The last few days have been like a whirlwind, but not like you would think. Going through what i have been through over the past couple of years, i still am surprised, by some things.

Thursday was an amazing day! i worked the Classic Worship service in the morning, and The Easter Encounter Service during Encounter. i told everyone i was planning on taking multiple naps on Friday, until dad and i met my brother and sister in law for the Friday evening service. (Which was wonderful, and made even more so by having Steven and Betty there!)

Sleeping all day on Friday, i barely noticed that my temperature was rising. About an hour before we going to leave for church, it was at 99.8. Close to the go number, but not there yet. Right before we left, i started getting really hot and sweating. My temp came in at 101. But i was starting to sweat, so it felt like my temp was breaking. i decided to give it until after church and see what my temp was. It was perfectly normal, 99.1. All good.

Unfortunately, Saturday and Sunday became a roller coaster of temperatures. It went from 99.8 to 102.1, breaking, both days. i did not call the doctors office, because within an hour of hitting a higher number, it would drop down under 100.

However, Sunday afternoon, my temp went to 101, and stayed there for over an hour. So i did what i was told, and called it in. They said i had to to go to the ER as expected. By the time i was able to find a ride, my fever had finally broke, and was down to 99.8. i told them if it went up overnight, i would go to the ER, but otherwise go to my doc on monday.

i was able to sleep through the night. And when i woke up around 5 am, i had a fever of 103. i was about 3 hours from my doctors office opening, so i was going to wait until then. i contacted a friend (Shout out to Misty!!) who came over and took me to the oncologists office. My temperature was 101.7, my heart rate was 140, my wbc was .97 (down from 1.3, normal starts at 4.5) and my anc was .08 (down from .76, normal starts at 2.0). no bueno. i was having trouble getting a deep breath, and sometimes when i tried to, one of my lungs felt “cold”.

They gave me fluids and meds in my iv over a few hours, and i started feeling much better. i still want to sleep all the time, but i’m not feeling sick like i did. Since i had expressed trouble catching my breath, they decided to do a CT scan just to be sure something else wasn’t going on. The results came back close to normal, and for the part that wasn’t, it was determined it possibly was an issue resulting from my heart rate and dehydration. Since being hydrated, i don’t feel the cold, but i am still breathing more shallow than normal. But i’m still breathing, so that is good.

Anyway, on the way home i was getting hungry, so i got a little something to eat, and not long after arriving home, i slept. i felt like i had been through a marathon, and i couldn’t stay awake. i had an hour+ nap, woke up, and went to bed. Starting to become the norm! ha ha.

i rested all day Tuesday as well, and am going into work here soon. i’m feeling much better. Still not my usual bouncy self, but able to do a few things. Yay!

Since my insurance has approved Neulasta for me again, they will probably use it with my next infusion this coming monday. Hopefully i won’t get so low on wbc, and it won’t wear my body out as much over the two weeks. That would go a long way!

A side note – whenever i go there and get treatment they have a list of about a thousand questions that they ask. One is if i am depressed or anxious. i don’t feel depressed or anxious, but am concerned if i will ever have any energy to do anything again. i have friends who watch their grandkids, one that is doing some home remodeling herself, some that go to or lead exercise classes…my activity routine is limited to crossing the room. or getting dressed. i am glad i am able to continue work through this, as i think it is actually helping build myself up while i am getting treatments. But right now a trip to the grocery, even in a cart, is out of the question. i pray that my energy will return, but that’s something i’m still looking for on the horizon. Thankfully i can eat more now. (Even if some people don’t think so)

On behalf of me and my family, thank you for reaching out, praying, or just treating me like i’m still normal.

He is Risen! And He is powerful. This is His fight, and i am just along for the ride. All praise to Jesus!!

January 29-Great News! (long version)

i had surgery last Wednesday, (January 23) and it went great! i know it was from all the prayers, and God moving. There is no other explanation!

During the pre-op meeting with my surgeon, i was still recovering from my respiratory virus, and laryngitis. She noticed i was having trouble with my breathing still, and we also talked about the iv/anesthesia issues i had with my last surgery. The plan was basically to go in for the chip and any tumor that was left, check the lymph nodes and then check the tissue around the original tumor area. If anything looked bad, or there was a question, she would take care of everything then, and probably keep me overnight for observation.

My surgery was scheduled for 7:45am. The first one of the day. (did you know there was a 4:30 in the middle of the night? ha ha) Everyone was great! i had a team that was working to make sure i came out the anesthesia with as little problems as possible. i’m not exactly sure of the times, but we were prepared for a 1-2 hour surgery, with about an hour of recovery before they called my family back. All in all, hoping to get out of recovery, and probably to a room by around 12’sh.

i was out of surgery around 9:30. That time included finding and removing the marker, radioactive seeds, any mass left, double checking the margins to make sure they were clear, and sending biopsies of my nodes to the lab . (Only waiting on the lymph node biopsy. i should get that on thursday-January 31. That will be my first followup.) And they quickly determined i didn’t need to stay at the hospital overnight. i came out of anesthesia better than any other time in my life. i woke up quickly with no real pain. Was able to eat some peanut butter with graham crackers right away without getting sick, and we even picked up some chinese food for me to eat when i got home. However nausea has started back up again, sometimes really debilitation. i am hoping that if i don’t have to do anything else, it will start to fade away as well.

In the meantime i have spent the last few days sleeping, checking to see what my body wants to eat, and general taking it easy. i really want to be done with all this, so i am following doctors instructions very explicitly!

i will be posting on Thursday evening, after i hear what the results of the biopsy are, and if there is going to be any followup treatment. You know, in words of that great philosopher we need to “nip it in the bud!” 🙂

Thanx for the continuing prayer for dad and i. We went to his hearing aid appointment yesterday (Monday, January 28), and when we got home he twisted around to say hi to someone, and rolled right down. Thankfully he went down over by the side steps, so we were able to stand up him up pretty easy. i am not able to lift anything over 5 lbs until cleared, so i helped with my right arm, acting more like something he used to balance on. He is still a little sore today, but nothing a couple of tylenol can’t help. We are both keeping an eye on him right now as well.

Please pray for the clear nodes! Very little, if any, followup treatment. My strength to return quickly, and everything needed to finish this fall into place!

Thank you all again for your prayers! Hoping we are approaching the end of this journey. And starting my next journey!

January 29-Great News! (short version)

i had surgery last Wednesday, (January 23) and it went great! i know it was from all the prayers, and God moving. There is no other explanation!

Going into the surgery, i knew that the best case scenario was that the marker was all that was left, and it was a done deal. But i also knew the worst case scenario was that i could wake up with a masectomy. So i did my best to prepare myself for either outcome. Everyone was great! They got everything done faster than expected, and have a followup with the Surgeon this coming thursday at 4:30 pm to find out if it’s all gone! (pray!)

i came out of anesthesia better than any other time in my life. i woke up quickly with no real pain. Was able to eat some peanut butter with graham crackers right away without getting sick, and we even picked up some chinese food for me to eat when i got home. However nausea has started back up again, sometimes really debilitation. i am hoping that if i don’t have to do anything else, it will start to fade away as well.

In the mean time, i am being very good – following the docs orders very explicitly! Check back on thursday night, i will be posting the results of the biopsy are, and if there is going to be any followup treatment. You know, in words of that great philosopher we need to “nip it in the bud!” 🙂

Please pray for the clear nodes! Very little, if any, followup treatment. My strength to return quickly, and everything needed to finish this fall into place!

Thank you all again for your prayers! Hoping we are approaching the end of this journey. And starting my next journey!

December 31, 2018

Happy New Year! Well, it probably is by the time you read this. 🙂 God has been so good in so many ways this past year, there is not enough room to write it all. But i will tell you about what He did for me today. But first, a little catch up from the past week.

When last i posted, i had gotten home from the ER visit, with the diagnosis of RSV. This entire past week, i spent at home, resting, and trying not to cough. Near the end of the week, my voice went away, and now it is back somewhat, but not very clear at all. So i’m still resting as much as i can.

But with all the coughing, i have pulled a couple of muscles, and i still don’t have much of an appetite. So i was not looking forward to getting chemo this morning, knowing i was also going to add side effects to the list later on this week. i really wanted to skip this week and wait until next week but that will put me 4 weeks between treatments again. Also, i do not have a background in oncology, so i don’t want to mess up anything just because i’m getting tired. So my prayer was, God, if it is Your will that i get chemo today, so be it. Just please be merciful.

i won’t go through the whole list of coincidences that had to happen for these next two things, but after being there a couple of hours, a woman came in and told me she was a massage therapist for oncology patients. (What!?! i had heard about them, but had not seen one in two years, so i wasn’t sure they really existed!) So while i was waiting for my blood tests to come back, AND getting some fluids, i was also able to get a back and shoulder massage! Then, just as the massage was ending, they came in and told me my ANC was too low, so i would have to wait until next week to get chemo! yes!

i know i’m not supposed to get that excited about missing a treatment, especially when it is for a medical reason. But i have to be honest, i was dancing my way out of the office! i am hoping that in the next few days my cough will go away, and i will have a few days to strengthen physically before i get chemo next week. (This respiratory thing really knocked me for a loop.)

i have also heard from a couple of my friends today, and they have had praises too! God has really been moving today.

So it looks like 2018 is ending on a good note. Which i hope means 2019 will start on a good note too! It’s been a long couple of years. Yes, i do still have chemo infusions to get, an outpatient surgery, and possibly followup treatments still to come. But God is in control of this experience, and i trust Him. He has been there for everything so far, and i know He will be here for the rest. And if i’m being completely honest, you may need to remind me of those last couple of lines in a few weeks when i get tired of feeling sick again!

So i’m going to finish up 2018 praising Jesus for all He has done!! And starting 2019 tomorrow morning praising Him for all He has yet to do. Not only in my life, but in the lives of many friends and family that need Him to move in their lives. i have a list of people, but i don’t want to put out any limits – so i agree with you in your prayers as we close out 2018 and open up 2019.

To God be the glory!

December 17

This is my “off” week. That means i don’t get a chemo treatment, and i only go to the doctor if i get dehydrated, or any other issues. So far, it’s all good in that respect. Even though this chemo is different, and it is supposed to be a little easier, there are still some physical issues. Most of them i won’t list here, but the one that frustrates me the most is the weakness and fatigue. When i am sitting or laying down, i feel good! Like i can jump up and do anything. But when i get up, or even walk across the room, my legs and arms feel like i just finished a marathon! Ok, i have never been in a marathon, but i do know people that have, and the way they describe it, sounds a lot like how i feel at times. Should make for an interesting week leading up to my next appointment.

i am scheduled to get my next chemo infusion at 8:45 am next Monday. yes, on Christmas Eve. For the first 5 infusions, the SE didn’t really kick in until Thursday. But this past week, SE seemed to start a bit on Tuesday, more on Wednesday, and so on. And i’m still dealing with more nausea than usual. Praying this is not the beginning of the a new trend.

The good news is that today i am better than i was yesterday. i was even able to take dad to his doctor’s appointment. Which brings me to my selfish request for prayers. Not for me this time, but for a few others.
-Pray for the family that in the last ten days has buried a child that was under two years old, and at the same time, the child’s grandfather was admitted to the hospital. He is still in the hospital, but is doing better.
-Another family buried a teenager a couple of days ago. He had been fighting leukemia for the last nine months.
-And last but certainly not least, my dad. He has somehow acquired a respiratory infection-bronchitis. He is on meds and we are hoping they will help so he doesn’t go into something more serious. (also, since i am starting the time when my WBC is at it’s lowest, so the quicker he heals, the better. )

i am very thankful to have you all praying for those families mentioned. And for my dad. Soli Deo Gloria!